As you may have noticed, I haven’t posted much lately. That’s because I’ve been busy. “But Sally,” you may ask, “How can you be busy when you don’t have to go to work, and most days you don’t even bother to put on shoes?” Don’t worry; I shall explain.
Amazingly, the Chinese character for “endless income-free weeks highlighted only by receiving Netflix DVDs and rejection emails” is the same as the one for “opportunity.”* Thus I stumbled across the idea of using my unemployment as an opportunity to do all those fun things I wanted to do but couldn’t, as I was too busy being a contributing member of society. Occupations sound more official if they have titles, so I coined the cringingly-awesome portmanteau in the subject line of this post. (It’s slightly more productive than an alcoholiday!)
But how do I take full advantage of these unwanted hours? Frankly, if I didn’t impose some structure on my life, I would just lie in bed all day listening to Nilsson Schmilsson on auto-repeat.** And what better way to structure my life than to copy that paragon of institutionalized systematization, school? And thus the detritus of my unemployed life is conformed into a series of modules.
Curriculum
- Film Studies. DVR/OnDemand + Starz/HBO/Showtime/TCM/IFC/Sundance/etc = more movies than I could ever reasonably get through. And this equation is brought to you by someone who regularly watches 200-400 movies a year. Also, we just joined Netflix.
- Literature. Remember when I used to read books for fun (aka, that time before grad school)? It’s back!*** I transcribed the list of 1001 Books You Must Read Before You Die into Google Docs and was disappointed to discover that I’ve only read 5.4 percent, despite having lived approximately 27.3 percent of my life (at least according to this life expectancy calculator).**** I’m also trying to read more recent books so I can keep up with the zeitgeist, or whatever. Jon Stewart can do it, and he has at least two or three real jobs.
- Writing. This is a nebulous category, as it covers everything from working on my portfolio, to blogging, to writing more personal stuff. Nevertheless, creative people create!!!, so I got to act the part.
- Esperanto. Even made-up languages require daily practice.
- Phys Ed. As I spend the majority of my waking day moving just enough so that I don’t become permanently affixed to the couch, some form of exercise is essential. Last week, I borrowed Mom’s car while she was at work, drove to the closest (crappiest) mall and joined the old folks for the pre-opening walkaround. I’ve since done some walking outside, but summer in Louisiana is no climate for delicate souls such as me. (Walking is sadly my only hope – I used to belong to the Y, but my membership’s canceled and I have no income to re-up.)
- Home Economics. Household chores, ranging from cleaning house, to working as a prep cook/dishwasher for my mom’s cooking classes, to trolling for a place to stash the contents of my moving boxes. I have yet to be allowed to actually cook (no surprise).
- Career Prep. This is more job-searching than actual career prep. I sent out about 60 applications to agencies across the country before I moved, so I’ve hit a bit of a wall. Therefore, this module basically consists of combing through job listings, realizing that I’m qualified for exactly none of them, and feeling sorry for myself. Some days I just skip straight to the part about feeling sorry for myself.
- Music. I’m reunited with my piano, which is pretty exciting. However, I’ve yet to actually play it since moving back. Come to think of it, it’s been a few weeks since I played guitar as well. This oversight will be easy to rectify once I actually start sleeping non-hibernational hours.
- Naptime. Ugh, this was wasn’t planned for AT ALL. Yet, somehow, hours a day are spent in service of my insatiable appetite for sleep. Either I sleep till 11:00 a.m. and get frustrated that I have already wasted half the day, or I get up at 7:00 a.m. and indulge in a sprawling mid-day nap extravaganza. Deny my naptime, and I’ll fall asleep in the middle of whatever I’m doing anyway. I suppose this is the flipside to my chronic insomnia – which, despite all its shortcomings, at least lets me accomplish things (albeit poorly and with occasional mild hallucinations).
- Recess. This is code for “social life.” There is no excuse for skipping this one, yet I have and I do. One of my BFFs still lives in Baton Rouge, but have I met up with her? Of course not! That would require me undertaking the Herculean task of dialing her phone number or sending her an email. I was also supposed to call a college friend when I arrived back in BR to schedule a lunch. In my defense, not having a car in this fair city renders me more or less housebound. In my offense, that is no defense.
Hmmmm. It wouldn’t be a bad idea for me to post regular progress reports, if I can get around to it. That would at least guarantee that I post more than, say, once a month. To the schoolhouse!
*Not actually true.
**i.e., how I spent the first two months after my graduation. “Gotta Get Up” was supposed to motivate me to get out of bed in the morning, but it instead motivated me to hit the snooze button repeatedly. The album’s cover was pretty much my daily life, minus facial hair and hash pipe.
***In pog form!
****un-em-ploy-ment (n.) The state of having enough free time that you can calculate your life expectancy and not feel too guilty about wasting those precious minutes of your ever-shortening life.
Look, Sally, Look 